Inspiration

Long have I longed for something I can identify myself with, my true self. Is there a true self? I guess so. Exploring and experience all possible up and downs in my life has been so far the only thing I have done in life.

Sometimes with envy, sometimes with passion I look at other people, human beings that are strangers to me. It amazes me every time someone I don’t know manages to inspire me simply through words, movies or pictures.

Recently I came across a blog that did just that, inspired me out of the blue. http://equivocality.com/ is someone that started his blog over 7 years ago. I have no idea why he started or what he wanted to achieve with it, but he did what he wanted to do and does it in an amazing and awesome way.

People that are creative in any way fascinate me. They have the power to awake emotions, feelings and inspire. Change the world if you like.

Since a very young age it was my dream to become a writer, to be eloquent, have a huge imagination and be able to create a vision in someone’s mind that wasn't there before.

It fascinates me to see and hear when people are able to recall historical dates, recite specific sayings or poems, recalling artists and their songs and knowing a lot of different Authors and their books. It would take me a lot of studying to be able to do that. This made me realise how shallow my interests really are and how lazy my brain is to be willing to remember all the things I learn along the way.

I have a passion for traveling, exploring different places. A passion for reading different books, however most of the times I am not able to recall the names of all the places I have been to or remembering the titles of the books I read, even if it was a really good book.

But what I do remember are people, not their names or birthdays, but who they are. People that left a mark in my life, that were able to change it for better or worse. Just to figure out what to do with this kind of talent is difficult.

In the future I continue to write my blog and in my notebook and leave my notes all over the place, but given that English is not my first language and I feel uncomfortable writing a long story in German pretty much makes it a challenge to become a successful author. Even though I will never give up that dream, I certainly will focus on living my life.

In the past I always needed reassurance that I am good at what I am doing. That whatever I write is brilliant, my pictures beautiful and my movies stunning. In my mind I know that is not the case, but getting the approval of someone to be good at something gives you a different perspective of certain things. The only thing I really want is being good at something. It certainly is a work in progress and maybe one day, only maybe, I will have figured it out.

Until then people will keep inspiring me and help to grow whatever it is that grows. There are so many more things I want to be able to do, such as taking dance lesson, learn an instrument, being able not to turn red when laughing and a few other things. What I am missing is the passion to really follow through with everything that is in my mind. The freedom I am experience throughout this chapter of my life is great and I will never lose it now that I have found it.

With this written of my mind I go to sleep and dream about chocolate mountains, melting into a river that rushes through my mouth.can identify myself with.  can identify myself with.