Je pense donc je suis

 

But I have convinced myself that there is absolutely nothing in the world, no sky, no earth, no minds, no bodies. Does it now follow that I, too, do not exist? No. If I convinced myself of something [or thought anything at all], then I certainly existed. But there is a deceiver of supreme power and cunning who deliberately and constantly deceives me. In that case, I, too, undoubtedly exist, if he deceives me; and let him deceive me as much as he can, he will never bring it about that I am nothing, so long as I think that I am something. So, after considering everything very thoroughly, I must finally conclude that the proposition, I am, I exist, is necessarily true whenever it is put forward by me or conceived in my mind. (AT VII 25; CSM II 16–17)

A while back I have read the book 'The Great Philosophers: The Lives and Ideas of History's Greatest Thinkers' to get a better understanding on different values and way of thinking. I didn't plan to follow any philosophers described in the book or solely focus on one. Everyone has an own understanding on where values come from and what they are based on and why people break them, move on or away from them. It was a great read and influential in my day to day living.


This above will give you a better understand on where I am coming from next. I often get asked why are you so happy, so positive, so hyper, always fun? I could start a long story and why I am the way I am,  but it is pretty pointless because people have different values in their life, different things are important to them and they might just argue against it, which is not the point of my values (not to be confused with opinions on which you can debate).

But as a short version and to cut down to the base why I am so happy, I can only say: Because I want to be!

It wouldn't matter what happens around me, if I sleep rough on the street or go days without food. This all are short term circumstance I can change and wouldn't affect the fact that indeed I am happy and there is no other explanation for it. It just is the way I want it to be.

I have to thank my character traits for keeping me motivated, open minded and fun loving. But this doesn't have anything to do with why I am happy. I do believe that everyone can be happy, if they want to be. Of course I have bad days and not always everything goes the way I want it to be, but I can accept that and continue without fail.

The blog is not without reason named 'Freedom'. Long I have debated with myself what is freedom. One of my readers commented on one particular entry:

Freedom is the lack of obligations and responsibility, except for those of your choosing. It is the great feeling when your time is yours alone to command and nothing is constrained by money. You will always have this itch within you because you're chasing a dream. It's not a specific thing you want but the desire to keep chasing. You think that being on the move will prevent you from dwelling too much on the fact that you're still seeking

 And I do agree with the mentioned statement above, but overall I see freedom as a choice of living, the choice of being free to be who I am. And if I am, I am.

Inspiration

Long have I longed for something I can identify myself with, my true self. Is there a true self? I guess so. Exploring and experience all possible up and downs in my life has been so far the only thing I have done in life.

Sometimes with envy, sometimes with passion I look at other people, human beings that are strangers to me. It amazes me every time someone I don’t know manages to inspire me simply through words, movies or pictures.

Recently I came across a blog that did just that, inspired me out of the blue. http://equivocality.com/ is someone that started his blog over 7 years ago. I have no idea why he started or what he wanted to achieve with it, but he did what he wanted to do and does it in an amazing and awesome way.

People that are creative in any way fascinate me. They have the power to awake emotions, feelings and inspire. Change the world if you like.

Since a very young age it was my dream to become a writer, to be eloquent, have a huge imagination and be able to create a vision in someone’s mind that wasn't there before.

It fascinates me to see and hear when people are able to recall historical dates, recite specific sayings or poems, recalling artists and their songs and knowing a lot of different Authors and their books. It would take me a lot of studying to be able to do that. This made me realise how shallow my interests really are and how lazy my brain is to be willing to remember all the things I learn along the way.

I have a passion for traveling, exploring different places. A passion for reading different books, however most of the times I am not able to recall the names of all the places I have been to or remembering the titles of the books I read, even if it was a really good book.

But what I do remember are people, not their names or birthdays, but who they are. People that left a mark in my life, that were able to change it for better or worse. Just to figure out what to do with this kind of talent is difficult.

In the future I continue to write my blog and in my notebook and leave my notes all over the place, but given that English is not my first language and I feel uncomfortable writing a long story in German pretty much makes it a challenge to become a successful author. Even though I will never give up that dream, I certainly will focus on living my life.

In the past I always needed reassurance that I am good at what I am doing. That whatever I write is brilliant, my pictures beautiful and my movies stunning. In my mind I know that is not the case, but getting the approval of someone to be good at something gives you a different perspective of certain things. The only thing I really want is being good at something. It certainly is a work in progress and maybe one day, only maybe, I will have figured it out.

Until then people will keep inspiring me and help to grow whatever it is that grows. There are so many more things I want to be able to do, such as taking dance lesson, learn an instrument, being able not to turn red when laughing and a few other things. What I am missing is the passion to really follow through with everything that is in my mind. The freedom I am experience throughout this chapter of my life is great and I will never lose it now that I have found it.

With this written of my mind I go to sleep and dream about chocolate mountains, melting into a river that rushes through my mouth.can identify myself with.  can identify myself with.